Sunday, March 23, 2014

[Draft]

I keep struggling with not being present.
I am trying bloody hard to keep myself awake, it is just insane how powerful this current condition is.
I seem to be alive and present, but no, I don't hear anything, I don't see anything, I don't feel anything, I don't recognize places and I don't recognize people and myself.

Being in this condition, I am constantly fat and ugly.
I actually tried to take some shots of myself to post them onhere, but my phonos very bad.
I lost the contact with reality, I again don't know how do I look like.
I am hating my body!


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I don't know how I look like, I don't know how fat I am, or how ugly I am, but I am feeling very uncomfortable In my body lately. Not that I ever felt any good in my skin, but it seems like I am puffy and ugly. I find my face odd, and I find my belly big.
I feel unattractive and out of space. I feel like I am gaining weight and that everyone is skinny.

I feel lazy and I feel like I always eat so much. I am ovulating right now, so my apatite is a bit bigger, but I lost a track of how big my meals should be. In my head they are bigger than ever.

I am so afraid.
Afraid of food and myself.

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