Ok, let me start over again:
"Yaaaay!!!! first year of rehab completed!!!! how awesome is that! am doing great!"
I dont binge any more, I dont vomit any more, I dont use purging pills anymore, I still hate myself, my body and my face tho, but apart from that, I have days when I feel god about everything, when episodes are shorter and I am more aware of what is happening to me. I talk to McJagger more dominantly and I eat well. I go out more often, I dont cancel catch ups anymore and I tell the truth. I work full time and I shower daily. I have become very patient with myself and I understand the issue of eating disorders a lot more. I keep my relationship going and I understand needs from others more. I drink coffee just once a day and I take care of my health more. I fixed my teeth and I take care of my out look. I keep quite about personal things more but I share my story whenever possible. I am not ashamed of myself all the time, there are moments, when I nicely stand up for myself. I walk every day. I am still very much afraid of trusting and dealing with jealousy but I am handling anger well. compliments still bring me down as I believe they are just making fun of me but I believe my boyfriend finds me beautiful. I very much go 5 steps backwords when visiting my parents, but I have learned to recognize the fall-back. I dont let myself feel much and I dont cry often and I stil dont know how to handle it, but thanks lord I have my boyfriend that makes me open up easily. I had lot of numb days in a past year and I learned I hate those moments. My depression episodes are way shorten than they used to be. I laugh more but I fear alot. I am afraid of giving myself to someone, I might get hurt. I learned heaps about myself, I can be very arrogant but always feel guilty about it later. I am afraid what life witl bring next, what comes after recovery? I got this big desire of publishing a book,dedicate it to my boyfriend. I want people to know that bulimia sux big time and living everyday believing you are only worth to die is a shitty thing to do on a daily bases. I am still dealing with accepting my face and body and all the things I do but I have learned that I am my worse enemy to myself. It still seems to be a fantasy to understand the fact that I am on the earth at the moment with this shape of body and soul for a huge reason. but I have learned nothing makes you happy if you are not in a peace with yourown self. slimming down doesnt bring happiness.
What is coming up next, after recovery?
"Yaaaay!!!! first year of rehab completed!!!! how awesome is that! am doing great!"
I dont binge any more, I dont vomit any more, I dont use purging pills anymore, I still hate myself, my body and my face tho, but apart from that, I have days when I feel god about everything, when episodes are shorter and I am more aware of what is happening to me. I talk to McJagger more dominantly and I eat well. I go out more often, I dont cancel catch ups anymore and I tell the truth. I work full time and I shower daily. I have become very patient with myself and I understand the issue of eating disorders a lot more. I keep my relationship going and I understand needs from others more. I drink coffee just once a day and I take care of my health more. I fixed my teeth and I take care of my out look. I keep quite about personal things more but I share my story whenever possible. I am not ashamed of myself all the time, there are moments, when I nicely stand up for myself. I walk every day. I am still very much afraid of trusting and dealing with jealousy but I am handling anger well. compliments still bring me down as I believe they are just making fun of me but I believe my boyfriend finds me beautiful. I very much go 5 steps backwords when visiting my parents, but I have learned to recognize the fall-back. I dont let myself feel much and I dont cry often and I stil dont know how to handle it, but thanks lord I have my boyfriend that makes me open up easily. I had lot of numb days in a past year and I learned I hate those moments. My depression episodes are way shorten than they used to be. I laugh more but I fear alot. I am afraid of giving myself to someone, I might get hurt. I learned heaps about myself, I can be very arrogant but always feel guilty about it later. I am afraid what life witl bring next, what comes after recovery? I got this big desire of publishing a book,dedicate it to my boyfriend. I want people to know that bulimia sux big time and living everyday believing you are only worth to die is a shitty thing to do on a daily bases. I am still dealing with accepting my face and body and all the things I do but I have learned that I am my worse enemy to myself. It still seems to be a fantasy to understand the fact that I am on the earth at the moment with this shape of body and soul for a huge reason. but I have learned nothing makes you happy if you are not in a peace with yourown self. slimming down doesnt bring happiness.
What is coming up next, after recovery?
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