Skinny, fat, ugly, beautiful.....all the same!

Working HARD on keeping myself alive. every now and then i lose a grip and i let myself be screwed by bulimia, that bitch is so stubborn.
She makes me feel HUGE most of the time, tho I lost a lot of weight. She is playing games with me....one day she calles me FAT and makes me cut my trousers and next day makes me cry because my face is TOO SKINNY!! I dont like my skinny face. it is pail and sad. next day that very same face becomes the fattest and the ugliest and i cnt stend it in the mirror.
my thighs are HUGE and in a next moment I am hating my jeans because of my small thighs and feeling unattractive because no jeans suits me anymore. I now have size 36 which means i am smaller for 2-3 sizes, but i am as fat as always. just sayin tht actual body size has nothing to do with you "perfect"body .... you SIMPLY never reach it.

Skinny, fat, ugly, beautiful...all the same.

every morning starts with "you the fuck again!!!"
hating my face and checking out how much wirght I gained over night.

then sometimes i snap it and start cutting my pants because I am HUGE!!! or sometimes I turn the music very loud on and dance and groove in the morning, because I dont hate myself that much.

Obsessions, obssesions, obsessions.... always ina  hurry, NEVER having time to live, to feel..... i need to work hard to stop myself and live 5 minutes after 5 minutes. thats the only way to survive.

if i dont stay FOCUSED, im done.

There is nothing more scary than eating disorders rehab.