I wanna be PERFECT!

Today I cried, vomited, binged, smiled, played, screamed... today I was up and I was down. I was hopeless and I was inspired. I was light and I was fire. I was empty.
Today I counted blessings today i whined.
I wondered: "What on the earth do I need more to be happy!"  the answer was clear: "I need to be smart, i need to be wise, I need to get beautiful. I need to be thin. I need to be cellulite-free, I need to be athletic, I need to be artist, I need to be talkative, i need to keep calm, I need to be innovative, I need to be brave, i need to be hopeful, I need to be inspiring, I need to sing well, I need to earn a lot of money, i need to have beautiful apartment, I need to have great and good paid job, I need to travel, I need to do yoga level advance, I need to have a rhythm in my body, I need to know all the songs by heart, I need to be educated, I need to have two diplomas, I need to work extra hours, I need to dress nice, I need to have loads of cloths, I need to be fashionable, I need to be healthy, I need to have shinny skin, I need to have nice butt, I need to have white smile, I need to have hair done, I need to do new things, I need to know a lot of people, I need to be known, I need to be nice, I need to be confidence, I need to be popular, I need to meditate, I need to go to Buddhist temple for couple of months, I need to have a sense of humor, I need to be uber successful, I need to be needed, I need to be respected, I need to be loved, I need to read two books a day, I need to keep the house the cleanest, I need to be on time, I need to be polite, I need to eat healthy, I need to avoid sugar,alcohol and drugs. I need to be honest, I need to do drama, I need to do ballet, I need to write books, I need to make people laugh, I need to cook the best, I need to have nails done, I need to shower twice a day, I need to save money,  I need to be bulimia free.... ~ I think I need to be PERFECT!

At the end of the day, lying in bed, tired and sleepy, I wonder: "how on the earth will I ever have all of this?"  "why I even wanna be perfect?"  "What is perfect?"

I dont believe PERFECT is a thing. I believe perfect is something we feel when everything in life goes hand in hand. But that is not a rule for me. I need to reach all those things above. HOW?
How to be perfect?

Writing the post, list goes on: I need to be handy, I need to creative, I need to be helpful, I need to swim, I need to run, I need to ride.....

I wanna be perfect. Perfect in all points of view. For anyone.

There is one thing missing on my "to be perfect list" .....  I need to be reasonable!

Does it even make any sense? I dont know. There is part of me trying to explain to this beast thats not how perfection goes,  and not all of these makes me happy for real, but he simply doesnt want to hearup.

Well, at this point I am falling a  sleep with the thought I wanna be perfect.

I dont understand: I so badly believe everything in life is just perfect the way it is, every movement, every step, every mistake, every bug, every field, every single person.................but when it comes to me, I fail. ("$%T&#!$/ERROR)
Also I know I need to change myself if I wanna change the world, I need to see things different, but hey, I cant. That makes me feel pain. Bolečina.