I wake up 5.30, welcome life, wash myself,take my antidepressant, make myself a cup of coffee and small breakfast, talk to the light of my life, dress up, put my favorite perfume on, some make up, take a lunch box and late as every morning, I hurry into life. One hand on a wheel another in my purse checking if I took a phone. Once the phn is ticked, my hand goes straight to the radio and turn on some music.. tur u tu tu ... sing along loooooud!!!
After woody road I finally make it to the flat part of our beautiful nature, road is straight, sun shines strong, music plays, I put sunglasses on and say for the second time: "well hello life! nice to be with you!"
I take high way, slow down, move my car's ass to the slow-drivers track, turn the music down and say:
"hey universe. me again! you know, have things to say. Wanna thank you soooo much for my amazing boyfriend, wanna thank you for this warm sun shinning early in the morning. also wanna thank you for my breakfast and for feeling quite good this morning. Thank you for another day I 'll knock down and most of all, thank you for listening my every-morning prayers. you know, have been thinking, since we talk again, my life's much more pleased. I much happier. Its good to have you back in my life. Tho it will take some time to build same trust again, but hey, I know you never let me down, it was me. well, universe, I have couple of favors to ask. One is: could you make sure my angel has a stress-less day, and make him feel good about the way he is. Please, whisper in his ear I love him, and make him fall asleep with that feeling. I will give you something for return, just give me sign what you want. another favor is bigger and I never asked you anything like this before... but could you give me some strength for killing my bulimia? could you give me a sign, what to do, how to do the rehab without hurting people and without doing it wrong? could you give me a sign Im doing it good? If there's anything Im doing wrong, could you show me? please,. be gentle tho, Im not asking you to give me a waterfall of my mistakes, just those I need to get rid of it on my way to recovery. Also again, I am asking you to show me what do you want for return, I am sure we can make a good deal. I will come talk to you tomorrow again and tell you if I understood a message, but yah, until then, could you make me see one of those little things that make life so precious today? thank you. I know you will do everything I have just asked you for and you have my word I will do whatever you ask me for return. and yah, have I mentioned Thank you for TODAY!"
Then I shut up and send some prayers for people I love.
Soon, I turn the music on and sing even louder! my day goes well, all the time until afternoon, then I get tired and mostly grumpy.
Next morning, same story. Same good morning, same breakfast, same rush, same talk... only prayers are a bit different. often I ask the Universe to show me how to help the children I work with, I pray for those children and I ask him to make my boys in africa happy.
Universe and I havent been talking for quite long now, have been over a year, but he made first move and came talk to me again.
It is such a dear friend. I dont know how could I live without it? well, If i think well, I didn't live!!!
It really shows me every day one little thing that is so little most people dont see it, but it is so important for our meaningful life. One thing each day makes 7 things in a week and I am sure soon I will be able to see them all by myself, just like I used to do. And you know, those little things make me happy. Things like wind, rain, child's touch, child's voice and child's smile. My boyfriend being there for me, my mother making me lunch, my friend calling me for a walk, a stranger smiling, patting my dog, feeling cold, feeling warm, being surrounded by amazing big old trees, feeling happiness, feeling sadness, understanding someone others pain .... well, that's not the little thing anymore I assume thats advance.
Today, sunday, I didnt follow my routine obviously, but I did set down and spoke to god. Today, i asked him to give some strength to my father. he needs it. It felt for the first time in my life, I forgave him!! I am done! I let it go! Forgiveness DOES feel liberating. I wonder, what was all that before I was sure it was forgiveness if only this today's feeling felt like it? I guess it doesnt really matter.
Nothing really matters, only love....all kinds of love!!
Thank you, God, for listening.
I grow. I understand. I don't fear.
PS: Thank you for giving me strength to face food for times a day!!!
After woody road I finally make it to the flat part of our beautiful nature, road is straight, sun shines strong, music plays, I put sunglasses on and say for the second time: "well hello life! nice to be with you!"
I take high way, slow down, move my car's ass to the slow-drivers track, turn the music down and say:
"hey universe. me again! you know, have things to say. Wanna thank you soooo much for my amazing boyfriend, wanna thank you for this warm sun shinning early in the morning. also wanna thank you for my breakfast and for feeling quite good this morning. Thank you for another day I 'll knock down and most of all, thank you for listening my every-morning prayers. you know, have been thinking, since we talk again, my life's much more pleased. I much happier. Its good to have you back in my life. Tho it will take some time to build same trust again, but hey, I know you never let me down, it was me. well, universe, I have couple of favors to ask. One is: could you make sure my angel has a stress-less day, and make him feel good about the way he is. Please, whisper in his ear I love him, and make him fall asleep with that feeling. I will give you something for return, just give me sign what you want. another favor is bigger and I never asked you anything like this before... but could you give me some strength for killing my bulimia? could you give me a sign, what to do, how to do the rehab without hurting people and without doing it wrong? could you give me a sign Im doing it good? If there's anything Im doing wrong, could you show me? please,. be gentle tho, Im not asking you to give me a waterfall of my mistakes, just those I need to get rid of it on my way to recovery. Also again, I am asking you to show me what do you want for return, I am sure we can make a good deal. I will come talk to you tomorrow again and tell you if I understood a message, but yah, until then, could you make me see one of those little things that make life so precious today? thank you. I know you will do everything I have just asked you for and you have my word I will do whatever you ask me for return. and yah, have I mentioned Thank you for TODAY!"
Then I shut up and send some prayers for people I love.
Soon, I turn the music on and sing even louder! my day goes well, all the time until afternoon, then I get tired and mostly grumpy.
Next morning, same story. Same good morning, same breakfast, same rush, same talk... only prayers are a bit different. often I ask the Universe to show me how to help the children I work with, I pray for those children and I ask him to make my boys in africa happy.
Universe and I havent been talking for quite long now, have been over a year, but he made first move and came talk to me again.
It is such a dear friend. I dont know how could I live without it? well, If i think well, I didn't live!!!
It really shows me every day one little thing that is so little most people dont see it, but it is so important for our meaningful life. One thing each day makes 7 things in a week and I am sure soon I will be able to see them all by myself, just like I used to do. And you know, those little things make me happy. Things like wind, rain, child's touch, child's voice and child's smile. My boyfriend being there for me, my mother making me lunch, my friend calling me for a walk, a stranger smiling, patting my dog, feeling cold, feeling warm, being surrounded by amazing big old trees, feeling happiness, feeling sadness, understanding someone others pain .... well, that's not the little thing anymore I assume thats advance.
Today, sunday, I didnt follow my routine obviously, but I did set down and spoke to god. Today, i asked him to give some strength to my father. he needs it. It felt for the first time in my life, I forgave him!! I am done! I let it go! Forgiveness DOES feel liberating. I wonder, what was all that before I was sure it was forgiveness if only this today's feeling felt like it? I guess it doesnt really matter.
Nothing really matters, only love....all kinds of love!!
Thank you, God, for listening.
I grow. I understand. I don't fear.
PS: Thank you for giving me strength to face food for times a day!!!
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