"good morning beautiful!" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UHUxogmXob4
was the first thing I heard this morning.
Ok, not ture. first thing I heard was: "oh buggers!!! let me sleeeeep. three hours not enogh!!" thats what my head screamed. but I coulnt wait to get up actually because there was my boyfriend waiting for me online.
Before any word, when I made it online, there was mentioned-above song playing! it was my angel who set it up for me. i ran into tears and couldnt hide the happiness that took control over my body, mind and soul in that moment. the happiness was screaming: i got it, i got it. my dreams came true. my boyfriend loves me!
That song and the most beautiful smile one can imagine welcomed me into today.
so emotional and so beautiful and so special and so pure and so real and so strong and so cried.
I felt the most amazing, beautiful and special woman under the sun!!
had beautiful talk with him, made me feel even more special but at 8, I was ready to leave for a work for a first day after a summer break. I got new position and am full time teacher now and I was very nervous about seeing all the other teachers this morning. but my mind didnt sabotage me, so I walked into the staff room, where most of the teachers were already there. such a welcome I got, so many hugs and compliments on my look. they all gave a notice that I lost some weight and for the first time in my life i think that wasnt a reason for my feel-good. More important was that they all came talk to me and gave me those hugs. I felt amazing. In all that crowd, and ofcourse by looking the familiar faces, I missed some of the new teachers and one of them approached me and with gentle voice asked: "do you remember me?"
oh my, my chin dropped. it was one of the teachers we worked together in a same school three years ago, then we both left. I thought of her so often that I couldnt believe she was actually there.
I was so happy to see her, we hugged and just couldnt hide the happiness of re-bonding again.
She asked me if I still work with the same purpose and then she said: "yah I have heard you are doing an amazingly good work!" oh wow, I blushed but in a same time, I felt good, actually. that doesnt happen that often.
I felt so comfortable and all of a sudden, there was no sign of fear of non-acceptance.
when the teachers meeting started, and first emotions settled down a little bit, I experienced such ego-trip I cant even tell. I felt amazing.
I felt so loved by my boyfriend, so so much, to the moon and back, and I felt so warm in that staff room I wish this feeling would last forever. I felt like I finally belong somewhere, I finally know why i was born and believe in it, and I finally feel good about myself.
as day went on, i kept feeling comfortable in my own skin and had such hope and peace all over my body.
every minute I had off I thought of my boyfriend, kept sanding him my warm thoughts and I wished he could see me in taht comfortable mode. I bet I didnt look shitty.
I ate lunch with everyone, I ate normal amount of food, I actually ate pasta and didnt feel any sick. after meeting, there was a classroom-decoration time and I bonded so well with teachers, we did some good work and my opinion mattered. They were talking to me all the time and I had my value. I had my place inthere. amazing. after some time, it was a cake time to the honor of my boss' birthday. I didnt hesitate and ate the cake with joy.
at three I left because I needed to meet the boy who is my responsibility and he made me cry for the second time that day.... happy crying ofcourse.
He couldnt wait for me to come so when he saw me he literally ran to me and hugged me strong. he couldnt stop laughing and I have never seen him that happy. just because I came??
and this is the boy with strong special needs, he doesnt hug anyone, occasionally he does his mom, papa never and me. dont tell me I am not special!!! :)
again, for the third time this day I felt amazing about being myself!
was 7 when I finished my work for today and made it home 730, full of beautiful feelings. I called my mum to tell her I am feeling great simply because I needed to tell the world that its 730pm and I am still feeling good about myself. thats over 12 hours of feeling good! wow!!!!!!!!
had shower and now I want to take care of my emotions and I would really really like to keep McJagger quiet tonight. he is actually screaming, again, pushing the weakest buttons of mine: "your boyfriend has chaged his mind!"
no he isnt, he is still asleep and last time we spoke was before his bedtime so I dont believe he made some evil plans to fuck me up during his deep night. screw you, myjagger. not today!
today is my day, the day I have been waitning for it for so long!!!
wake up: feel good.
go to the world: feel good.
do things out there: still feel good.
eat lunch: feel good.
come back home: still feel good..
have shower: still feel good.
got o bed: feeling good.
its my day.
and if today came, I am sure there will be another one like this soon.
Thank you, mom, for giving me life.
Thank you, Gor, for keeping me alive.
Thank you, my boyfriend, for making me live! I love you man!
was the first thing I heard this morning.
Ok, not ture. first thing I heard was: "oh buggers!!! let me sleeeeep. three hours not enogh!!" thats what my head screamed. but I coulnt wait to get up actually because there was my boyfriend waiting for me online.
Before any word, when I made it online, there was mentioned-above song playing! it was my angel who set it up for me. i ran into tears and couldnt hide the happiness that took control over my body, mind and soul in that moment. the happiness was screaming: i got it, i got it. my dreams came true. my boyfriend loves me!
That song and the most beautiful smile one can imagine welcomed me into today.
so emotional and so beautiful and so special and so pure and so real and so strong and so cried.
I felt the most amazing, beautiful and special woman under the sun!!
had beautiful talk with him, made me feel even more special but at 8, I was ready to leave for a work for a first day after a summer break. I got new position and am full time teacher now and I was very nervous about seeing all the other teachers this morning. but my mind didnt sabotage me, so I walked into the staff room, where most of the teachers were already there. such a welcome I got, so many hugs and compliments on my look. they all gave a notice that I lost some weight and for the first time in my life i think that wasnt a reason for my feel-good. More important was that they all came talk to me and gave me those hugs. I felt amazing. In all that crowd, and ofcourse by looking the familiar faces, I missed some of the new teachers and one of them approached me and with gentle voice asked: "do you remember me?"
oh my, my chin dropped. it was one of the teachers we worked together in a same school three years ago, then we both left. I thought of her so often that I couldnt believe she was actually there.
I was so happy to see her, we hugged and just couldnt hide the happiness of re-bonding again.
She asked me if I still work with the same purpose and then she said: "yah I have heard you are doing an amazingly good work!" oh wow, I blushed but in a same time, I felt good, actually. that doesnt happen that often.
I felt so comfortable and all of a sudden, there was no sign of fear of non-acceptance.
when the teachers meeting started, and first emotions settled down a little bit, I experienced such ego-trip I cant even tell. I felt amazing.
I felt so loved by my boyfriend, so so much, to the moon and back, and I felt so warm in that staff room I wish this feeling would last forever. I felt like I finally belong somewhere, I finally know why i was born and believe in it, and I finally feel good about myself.
as day went on, i kept feeling comfortable in my own skin and had such hope and peace all over my body.
every minute I had off I thought of my boyfriend, kept sanding him my warm thoughts and I wished he could see me in taht comfortable mode. I bet I didnt look shitty.
I ate lunch with everyone, I ate normal amount of food, I actually ate pasta and didnt feel any sick. after meeting, there was a classroom-decoration time and I bonded so well with teachers, we did some good work and my opinion mattered. They were talking to me all the time and I had my value. I had my place inthere. amazing. after some time, it was a cake time to the honor of my boss' birthday. I didnt hesitate and ate the cake with joy.
at three I left because I needed to meet the boy who is my responsibility and he made me cry for the second time that day.... happy crying ofcourse.
He couldnt wait for me to come so when he saw me he literally ran to me and hugged me strong. he couldnt stop laughing and I have never seen him that happy. just because I came??
and this is the boy with strong special needs, he doesnt hug anyone, occasionally he does his mom, papa never and me. dont tell me I am not special!!! :)
again, for the third time this day I felt amazing about being myself!
was 7 when I finished my work for today and made it home 730, full of beautiful feelings. I called my mum to tell her I am feeling great simply because I needed to tell the world that its 730pm and I am still feeling good about myself. thats over 12 hours of feeling good! wow!!!!!!!!
had shower and now I want to take care of my emotions and I would really really like to keep McJagger quiet tonight. he is actually screaming, again, pushing the weakest buttons of mine: "your boyfriend has chaged his mind!"
no he isnt, he is still asleep and last time we spoke was before his bedtime so I dont believe he made some evil plans to fuck me up during his deep night. screw you, myjagger. not today!
today is my day, the day I have been waitning for it for so long!!!
wake up: feel good.
go to the world: feel good.
do things out there: still feel good.
eat lunch: feel good.
come back home: still feel good..
have shower: still feel good.
got o bed: feeling good.
its my day.
and if today came, I am sure there will be another one like this soon.
Thank you, mom, for giving me life.
Thank you, Gor, for keeping me alive.
Thank you, my boyfriend, for making me live! I love you man!
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