Im still getting over that stupid number I caught the other day on a scale.
There is still some echo in my head going: 70 70 70 70 lameeee you!
I tell him to shut up, It is his own fault he saw the number, I didnt want it tho.
It's hard for me to stay focused on my diet with that voice in my head but to be honest, the scale could show any number, and I wouldnt be happy about it.
Everyday I learn more that bulimia is not on the plate, not the number on the scale, it something bigger, something called mind.
we indeed are mental cases.
what do I need to make me happy? nothing makes me happy. I simply dont let myself be happy. thats such a crap.
so many worries for nothing! why!?
im tired of it.
trying to forgive myself whatever I ve done that bad in my life, but it doesnt seem to work.
how to forgive myself?
i even have thoughts my soul did something bad in pre-life and thats why i cnt forgive myself.
i am not fee.
why cant i simply relax and BE!
its just life.
why do i feel so dead???
I have everything.
yah, everything indeed, including eating disorders. damn.
i am broken.
well, there's no magic number, i have ppl that love me, i have amazing boyfried and wonderful job, I am respected everywhere I go, I am loved.
But I am not happy, I am not free.
I am not happy.
I dont enjoy friends, I am not enjoying life, I am not enjoying who I am.
I believe I am bad person and I can not get rid of it.
I hate the way I am. whoever I am, I hate it.
I hate my empty life I hate my lies, I hate my double life I hate I am not able to break free, I hate the way I talk I hate the way I always take shortcuts in life, I hate I am so numb, I hate my parents are incharge for my mood, I hate i am not free.
I have had stupid thought lately something like I wanna die.
I dnt wanna die for real, but i dnt wanna live like this life any longer.
I am tired and feeling like hostage.
I am tired of lying.
The truth is, am desperate, empty and numb. I dont feel anything and I am hopeless.
i lie to stay alive, i dnt keep up with life and i done see any joy.
Nothing seems to be important and everything passes me by. Nothing stays with me and I am afraid of everything, most of it, I am afraid of my future, as I am not sure for how long I will be able to take it.
My heart is broken, my life is broken...and its not for the first time so I seem to be tired of putting pieces together.
I need no interruption, no invisible belonging, no guilt... i need space so i give another shot.
leave me alone.
ΕΎ
There is still some echo in my head going: 70 70 70 70 lameeee you!
I tell him to shut up, It is his own fault he saw the number, I didnt want it tho.
It's hard for me to stay focused on my diet with that voice in my head but to be honest, the scale could show any number, and I wouldnt be happy about it.
Everyday I learn more that bulimia is not on the plate, not the number on the scale, it something bigger, something called mind.
we indeed are mental cases.
what do I need to make me happy? nothing makes me happy. I simply dont let myself be happy. thats such a crap.
so many worries for nothing! why!?
im tired of it.
trying to forgive myself whatever I ve done that bad in my life, but it doesnt seem to work.
how to forgive myself?
i even have thoughts my soul did something bad in pre-life and thats why i cnt forgive myself.
i am not fee.
why cant i simply relax and BE!
its just life.
why do i feel so dead???
I have everything.
yah, everything indeed, including eating disorders. damn.
i am broken.
well, there's no magic number, i have ppl that love me, i have amazing boyfried and wonderful job, I am respected everywhere I go, I am loved.
But I am not happy, I am not free.
I am not happy.
I dont enjoy friends, I am not enjoying life, I am not enjoying who I am.
I believe I am bad person and I can not get rid of it.
I hate the way I am. whoever I am, I hate it.
I hate my empty life I hate my lies, I hate my double life I hate I am not able to break free, I hate the way I talk I hate the way I always take shortcuts in life, I hate I am so numb, I hate my parents are incharge for my mood, I hate i am not free.
I have had stupid thought lately something like I wanna die.
I dnt wanna die for real, but i dnt wanna live like this life any longer.
I am tired and feeling like hostage.
I am tired of lying.
The truth is, am desperate, empty and numb. I dont feel anything and I am hopeless.
i lie to stay alive, i dnt keep up with life and i done see any joy.
Nothing seems to be important and everything passes me by. Nothing stays with me and I am afraid of everything, most of it, I am afraid of my future, as I am not sure for how long I will be able to take it.
My heart is broken, my life is broken...and its not for the first time so I seem to be tired of putting pieces together.
I need no interruption, no invisible belonging, no guilt... i need space so i give another shot.
leave me alone.
ΕΎ
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