Dealing with emotions: B+

I pronouced myself "bulimia free" last sunday, when by some brutal coincidence I was told my boyfriend cheated on me. I was just like: "no, he didnt!" the person on the other side has been convincing me he did shit, but after one scream "noooooo, please god tell me thats a joke!" I was sure he did not cheat on me. I have faith in him and I know he didnt do it and there was no McJagger telling me: "see, you fat bitch, now u have a proof. he cheated and thats because you are fat and ugly and difficult!" I know he would say that several months ago, these are his words, but not this time, this time he kept quite and the other voice in a back of my had was saying: "cmon girl, you know thats missunderstanding, he didnt cheat. relax!" i did relax but needed to check out with him. he said he never did and I believed him.
Tho I believed, the news got stuck in my body. yah, thistime in my body and not in my head. I felt sick and my stomach was aching, but I won the battle. There was a moment when i called my cousin and asked him to talk to me because I feel so sick I am afraid I will go vomit and I dont want to. At one point I didnt know what to do with myself, I felt so close to just puke the pain out, so I went out, to the ATM to get some money out, tho that day I didnt need any cash. But it worked.
I even called a friend to come for a coffee just to keep me company and I spent normal hour with her.
Just when it got really hard, my boyfriend did something incredible. He chose that will be a moment when he will open up and share his thoughts and emotions with me. I haven't felt so close to him before. we were so connected and strong together, he also told me he loves me with those words for the very first time.
That was big push up for me with a feeling still stuck in my body, and so in every moment when my body screamed a bit, I was able to keep strong and stand up for myself and calm myself down. next day, I stayed at home and did the longest sleep I remember. With two days of enormously long sleep I got to recover pretty well and I kept happy, walking around with the biggest smile and full of energy because I felt so completed. I have beautiful relationship, I am able to handle my feelings and I am myself's friend, who I have never been before.
I thought to myself: "I won the shittiest battle with no binging and no purging, I am free from bulimia!"

Also today is a very sad day for me.
One teacher said one of my kids doesnt progress as fast as we wanted and at first i just listened to her and actually agreed with few of her comments, but at the end of the day I am siting in a dark room alone, trying to realinze why i feel this way. why I am hurt. is it my confidence issue or emotion of saddnes is real.
It is real. I am hurt, my feelings are hurt because I took It personaly, what she said was "you are not working well!" but everyone, including me, believe, I am doing a great job and my kids have progressed more in a month than last year in a whole year. So do your math.
I hate she doesnt understand my kids (special needs) and she doesnt give them any credits. she is so rough with them and has no patience with them. it hurts me. all the other kids can do whatever they want, can disturb the class the way they want but when some of my kids inturrupt a lesson with a laugh or a coment, they get timeout. not fair. just because the other kids are so claver. halo!!!!

I am very sad now and dont know what to do. part of me is upsat and sad and part of me is talking me in to go and talk to her about my feelings tomorrow, which I believe I will actually do.
I need her to know she did hurt me with her comment and she needs to know I am strong enough and I am god damn it good teacher.
Everyone, every single soul in that school and every single parents admire me but her.
she doesnt trust in my skills and its bothers me because she shakes my confidence in my work and its non of her business.

But once again, I didnt hate myself for what she told me, I didnt hate myself for being a bad teacher, I didnt binge I didnt purge, I took time and did some thinking, I needed to realize whether my feelings are real or not.
I think that means I am getting pretty good with dealing with my feelings.
I am more reasonable and I make more sense.
I believe I will talk to that teacher tomorrow, It makes me nervous tho but i need to do this. as she has been thisway to me since beginning. she doesnt take me serious and she never will, but i will prove her she is fucking wrong. I know what am I doing and I have faith in my skills. now back off!!
also this attitude shows me I progressed well with dealing with my emotions.

I am not letting anyone to bring me down again, ever!
No-one has this right!! no-one!!
back off!!

You too, Say NO! Stand up for yourself. you have right to feel, live and be! Your life counts and dont let other people feed their ego with your vulnerability! NO! dont be afraid of who you are. I have been afraid of who I am for whole life, I have been refusing myself, refusing my point, and in a way i still do, i am not completely recovered, but you know what: it is not worth it!! no! fuck it!!be loud, fight!! if you dont, they will eat you and you will die.