[just thoughts]

I spent last three days totally indoor, in bed, with New Girl program, i got to finish both seasons and watched about 5 movies. I also did regular meditation, every morning and every evening, except today, today i told myself its ok. I also finished 2 100g chocolates but apart from that I ate very well, made myself healthy lunches except of mash potato and I had it three times this week. just that time when i love mash potato i guess. yesterday i cried and tuesday sucked as well, but other days were fine.
I feel chubby today, I am PMSing so i am very puffy. I try not to think it is because of being so lazy because i really need this rest!!!
I dont sleep well tho, there are always shitty things going on in my dreams.....mostly its about me being ugly.
my face is puffy too and so are my legs.
i understand also there is a lot of things opening up at the moment, I am having those huge flashbacks about my last christmas with my boyfriend and I am hating this time of the year.
I had a little bit angry issue today whle writing my "morning pages" ... i kind of snapped it because of my awful handwriting. voice in my head was eating me insideout, telling me i am getting worst i have ever been, telling me even my handwriting is becoming ugly.
I gave myself another day, tried hard not to worry about it today since i took day off-off! and tomorrow i will be more productive and hopefully will go for a long walk and shake my fat a little bit.
will be good so i get ready for xmas at my parents house and to avoid guilt trip.
I had one week of rsting now two weeks of exploring my nature! bring it on!!!

all good.
tomorrow i start slash continue with my regular yoga practice.
yes i did it. i emailed the studio and told them i will be there tomorrow at 630.
so exciting!!
really.
have tried so many times but never pressed SEND. I always discarded an email and promised myself i will do it at home. but i need kick ass. i need it. so tomorrow it is!!
pray for me i dont shit my pants and i actually go.

wip wip!!